How often do we consider the true ramifications of what we say? The boundaries between our lives and others are blurred the more intimate we become. Your best friend confides in you, and it feels like it is your knowledge simply because they are such an integrated part of your life. You share an experience with your lover and it IS your life... But it's theirs as well, and you have to respect their desires for privacy.

That's the line I've been straddling lately. When I thought about why I haven't been posting, it's because my thoughts have mainly been about relationships: the ups and downs, the complicated interrelatedness, the emotional bombs, sensitivity, trust. I'm going through something many people have done before and often I want to reach out for wisdom or guidance. However, I just as frequently hold back. First of all, what if I resolve the issue in my own head? Or with my partner? If people have certain impressions of a relationship, the shades and edges of it but not the core, they will judge, and that judgement will stay with them. Gossip can do ugly things to a relationship and no one but you can know your heart.

I suppose this is what it means to be a grown-up. The art of disclosure because while you might want to speak, speaking is not always best. The art of "discretion is the better part of valor." I'm not saying that I wouldn't come to a friend individually and ask for advice. I would lose my mind otherwise, because Lord knows I can't do "internalizing." No, I mean realizing that it is wiser to hold my tongue because it's not about just me anymore. It's about someone who's life is entwined with mine. It's about protecting your loved ones and giving them (and yourself) a chance to see if you are wise enough, truthful enough to work through things together.

This all implies that I have a bumpy relationship. I admit to being an emotional idiot on plenty an occasion. I also know I've not done this well before. But that's learning, and learning from your mistakes. I have felt so much personal growth in the last four months. I have grown with, and because of a person I care for deeply. That's powerful. That's worth learning the art of disclosure, or more accurately, the art of discretion.

I love you.